Life is unimaginable without friends. They make life fun and interesting, and act as a much-needed support when the going gets tough. But that does not mean you focus on making as many friends as you can, a reality when you’re a teenager. It’s all about making quality friends, those that you really connect with, intellectually and emotionally; those are really concerned about your welfare; support you through thick and thin and want to see you succeed. The real ones enrich you and contribute positively to your growth as a person, while unhealthy friendships do just the opposite by pulling you down.
Here are 7 red flags that are clear signs of a negative friendship, one you should avoid at all costs.
1. Your Friendship Is Based On Superficiality
Do you have anything to talk about when you don’t have alcohol to give you company? If not, your friendship is built on superficiality and does not have substance to stand the test of time.
You guys love to catch up every once in a while. Weekend pub crawls remain incomplete without the other. You have endless gossip to share with each other while you chug down uncountable pegs of alcohol, if not bottles. And you feel like your gossip never gets over even after spending hours with each other at your favourite hangout places in the city. But what beyond that? Do you have anything to talk about when you don’t have alcohol to give you company? If not, your friendship is built on superficiality and does not have substance to stand the test of time. Because you hardly know anything about each other from the depths.
2. Can’t See You Succeed
Severing ties permanently is the only way ahead because you shouldn’t be nurturing a friendship that does not have a positive influence in your life.
Jealousy ruins relationships. And if you notice your friend showing signs of jealousy on your success, it’s a major red flag you cannot ignore. You might have second thoughts the first time you catch a jealous expression on his/her face or tone of voice, wondering whether you really got it right or are perhaps overthinking. But if you see it happening repeatedly, it’s something you shouldn’t ignore. Severing ties permanently is the only way ahead because you shouldn’t be nurturing a friendship that does not have a positive influence in your life.
Read: 5 Underrated Female Friendships Where Women Work #BetterTogether
3. Is A Backstabber
If your friend is cracking degrading jokes about other friends when he/she is with you, you can rest assured that he/she is doing the same with you when in the company of other friends. And that’s a negative influence you shouldn’t nurture in your life. Genuine friends don’t discuss you in a negative light behind your back. If there’s something that they didn’t like about you, they would rather talk it out with you directly than spread gossip about you. This is a clear indication that they have no respect for you – a quality that every authentic relationship is built on.
4. Never There For You
Healthy friendship cannot be nurtured when your friend is never there for you. Literally never. It speaks of your lack of importance in his/her life.
Let’s face it. Life is hectic and none of us have the time or the headspace to listen to what’s going wrong in your friends’ lives every time something goes awry. When you want to pour your heart down, first message your friend and ask whether he/she has time to listen to you. If your friend never responds positively whenever you reach out for help, that should raise a red flag immediately. Healthy friendship cannot be nurtured when your friend is never there for you. Literally never. It speaks of your lack of importance in his/her life.
5. Does Not Paying Heed To Boundaries
Being friends doesn’t imply that you’ll be comfortable discussing anything and everything all the time with him/her. There will always be certain incidents and experiences that you wouldn’t want to look back at, least of all being discussed. And if a friend does exactly that despite you requesting him/her not to do so, it indicates that wishes, opinions, and feelings have on value for your friend. Worst of all if he/she keeps discussing these triggers with your friends in your absence. Then it’s a whole new red flag involving broken trust – doing what you don’t appreciate in your presence as well as behind your back.
Read: 10 Ways To Be Your Own Best Friend
6. Conversations & Efforts Are One-Sided
The friendship exists only because of you. If that is the case, it’s time to let go and see whether your friend ever takes the initiative to get back to you on his/her own.
All your friend can talk about is themselves – what happened in his/her life, home and family, with other friends, his/her plans and dreams, et al. Non-stop. It never involves you, your life, dreams, plans, and wishes. The moment you try mentioning something about yourself, he/she doesn’t take time to change the topic of conversation. Your conversations invariably end up being a monologue, when he/she keeps on talking and you just listen without a choice.
However, it’s just the opposite when it comes to efforts in nurturing the friendship. You ask after him/her, you’re always the first to connect, make plans to catch up, etc. The friendship exists only because of you. If that is the case, it’s time to let go and see whether your friend ever takes the initiative to get back to you on his/her own. If that never happens, know that you guys were never friends in the first place.
7. Is Possessive About You
That’s a clear sign of an unhealthy friendship, one you should put an end to immediately. Because it’s doing you more harm than good, not just now but in the long-term as well.
Your friend hates to see you in any other friend’s presence. Your friend either does everything he/she can, to prevent you from having other friends or, at the least, enjoy anybody else’s company. And that way, of course, you end up having no other friends. Quite evidently, he/she wants to be the be all and end all in your life. That’s a clear sign of an unhealthy friendship, one you should put an end to immediately. Because it’s doing you more harm than good, not just now but in the long-term as well.
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