TC46 connected with Counselling Psychologist Arundhati Agarwal, to talk about the unique dynamics of female friendships and the importance of emotional support.
Most of us have seen ‘reel life’ female friendships. Be it close knit friendships like Rachel, Phoebe and Monica from FRIENDS, friendship which is weird sometimes but empowering all the time like Rosa, Amy and Gina from Brooklyn 99, the friendship between Kalindi, Sakshi, Avni and Meera from Veerey Di Wedding, or between Damini, Siddhi, Anjana and Umang from Four More Shots, Please, we have seen all kinds of female friendships.
Real life female friendship might seem different but at the core of all these friendships is emotional support. The cases I have taken till now have shown me just how much support a woman can provide not just to other women, but even to men. I have heard my clients talk about how they opened up to their female friends, how supported they felt and some were even to try therapy.
There is something beautiful about female friendships. You get supported in the best ways. They are the ones you want to call at your worst and at your happiest. There is an intervention my supervisor recommended me to give to one of my clients which was to ask her friends why she was worth it. My client went to her female friends and asked them to just give one or two sentences because she was sure nobody could write more about her. But in return what she got were 20 sentences, a full blown paragraph dedicated to her recounting instances of my client being the absolute beautiful version of herself. This is the beauty of female friendship.
Some signs of healthy female friendships:
1. Unwavering support.
Your female friends give you all of their support at all times. Whether it be a cry for emotional companionship at 3 A.M, to vent or to share the adrenaline of a book/series/movie. This kind of support is one of the most necessary first aids for a person’s survival. It is simply unconditional and beautiful. This type of support could be informational (giving advice or suggestions), emotional (which includes expressing love, empathy, care), instrumental (which includes tangible aids or acts of service) or mental (which includes giving information to help them self-evaluate).
2. A shoulder to cry on.
They provide you a shoulder to cry on . If you want to text that ex-boyfriend or make any other mistake, they will, at first, obviously try to stop you and even if you don’t stop, then they will be there to provide you a shoulder to cry on. They will be there with tissues, chocolates, pictures to burn or flush, good food and drinks, you name it. This kind of physical connection can also release happy hormones in our body which helps immensely in lightening up that mood.
3. Getting all the validation you need.
Need validation for a job done well or an exam well written, on dealing with that boss who you hate and by extension your friends hate, on that dress which you aren’t sure about? Your girlfriends got you covered. They will validate you whenever you need, however you need. Don’t get me wrong, they will let you know when you are making a mistake very honestly, but they will also validate you even when you don’t think validation is important.
4. No jealousy over achievements, just pure love.
When you share your achievements, they won’t get jealous over it or compare it with their own achievements. They will be genuinely happy for you and will leave no stone unturned in showing that.
5. Perfect band of cheerleaders.
They are the cheerleaders you want in your corner when you are feeling down. Call any one of them and soon it turns into a group session on why you are the best. They will leave you feeling like you are the most important person in the world.
6. Together in experiences, good or bad.
Shared experiences are a bond you can never break. Whether it be a happy memory or a sad one, they are there. They will celebrate with you and console you. Women have that bond where we can openly tell each other when we are PMS-ing and need good food, when we are sad and need ice cream, when we just need someone because we are feeling like crying, when we get news that has gotten us jumping up and down and we want them jumping with us.
7. Got a crisis? They got you.
Don’t have a dress you need, raid the other one’s closet. Need heels? Makeup? They got you. Got into a fight with someone? Just tell them what you need. They will be there with a wide assortment of things which range from pepper spray to good comebacks. Need emotional support because you just can’t work through things anymore? Just vent to them.
8. Getting your daily dose of I love yous.
People love you and cherish you and your female friends will never forget to tell you that. If they don’t say it, they will show it. But you will get a daily reminder that you are loved by strangers who chose to be your friend, and not because they are obligated.
The need for Emotional Support
All of us as humans crave support. Opening up to someone emotionally is putting your trust in the other person and trusting that they will not hurt you or betray you. This trust comes after a long time of bonding over drinks, food, 3 A.M talks, just talking and being vulnerable. But once you find that emotional support, you get a feeling of home.
It is said that home is not a place but the people. Indian families have mostly said to their girls that they don’t have a home until they go to their in-laws but now, they find that home with their girl friends. Most people don’t even get that support from their family which they get from their friends. Female friendships give you the strength and courage you require. This support is not superficial or airy or just for the good parts. This support is equally present for the bad parts and the worst parts.
A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you. And yes, any and all forms of friendships are supportive but there is something very beautiful and unique about the form it takes and the support they provide and it is that They Got Your Back. Whether you are a total stranger or someone very close, they are there to support you. They will always say ‘You do you boo, and if what you do doesn’t work out then we got you.’
“Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand small kindnesses swapped back and forth and over again.” – Michelle Obama
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