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If your partner is full of criticism or backhanded compliments, or even undermines the things you do by redoing it themselves, you’re in a pattern of negativity. This may also come to you as a ‘word of caution’ or ‘helpful advice,’ but actually be an attack on your self-worth.
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Walking on eggshells is not normal around the people you love. If a difference of opinion, discussion, or exchange of ideas, or you providing your point of view gets easily escalated into an argument, fight, or criticism, you’ll never be able to have enough consecutive days of happiness and peace.
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Having conflict all the time can cause anxiety, stress, or even fear (fear of abuse, fear of arguments, fear of failing). When this happens, our body triggers a fight or flight response. Either people end the relationship or, they suffer in silence even though they’re struggling and have lost the will to try to make things better.
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Even the most confident, intellectual, and sociable people can find themselves backed up into a rabbit hole of self-doubt and a diminished sense of self. This happens when someone criticizes and questions you so often, you almost begin to believe in them and not in yourself.
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While many people relate this to insecurity and unhealthy jealousy, in a toxic relationship your partner may push to keep you all to themselves and trigger you to alienate everyone else. This can include close friends, family, people of the opposite sex, colleagues, and even your mental health counsellor or therapist
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You may not always find the words to express yourself, but your feelings are very telling. If you’ve begun crying for no reason, dread getting into a conversation with your partner, or are experiencing loss of appetite and energy from the stress in your relationship, you’re headed for a breakdown. You may even become more easily irritable or could be isolating and distancing yourself from everyone.
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Have you seen Tapsee Pannu’s movie Thappad? Well, to put it bluntly, that’s the truth. Physical violence, not even a single slap or push is acceptable. It may begin with aggressive behaviour that doesn’t look as problematic: Throwing things, banging fists on furniture, or charging towards you in an argument. These are early signs of mental, emotional, and possibly physical abuse that should not be ignored.
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When your partner starts keeping score and says their aggressiveness, abuse, intolerance, lies, and inappropriate actions are a result of things you may have done in the past (in this relationship or previous), you’re in for a game no one will ever win. The tit-for-tat justification is unhealthy for any relationship and people who clutch on to it are often incapable of owning up to their own actions.
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From who you’re speaking to and how you’re feeling, to what you feel about a joint decision or if you’re struggling at work, if you have begun to lie or simply not offer up the whole truth to avoid conflict with your partner, it’s not a good sign. This will only help you keep the peace for a short while, and create bigger problems when the truth comes out.
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Change can be good or bad. There are partners that uplift, support and bring out the best in you. And then there are those who bring out the worst in you or lead you to change to a point where your close friends and family no longer recognise the ‘new’ you; in fact, they may be concerned about your well-being and the person you’ve become.
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